Cuppa Care

In my personal life, I have a pretty simple solution for just about every problem in life.  TEA!  When faced with just about any ailment or annoyance, a quick cuppa can help me feel better.  If only I could apply this to social work.

Depressed?  How about a colourful flowering tea to brighten your day?
Feeling anxious? A warm cup of ginger with honey to sooth and take the edge off.
Feeling lonely?  Why not spend some time with your friend Lady Grey?
Can't get to sleep?  Drift off with some chamomile.
Lacking energy and motivation? Some zesty lemon green tea should get you going.
Trouble getting along with the people in your life?  Bond over a boiling pot of chai.
Feeling broke and cold?  Hold that mug in both hands and feel it's warmth.

I mean, the list could go on all day.  If only our work were so simple and delicious.  I'm going to go brew some now!

Unlikely Sources

I like to follow a lot of blogs.  Over the past couple years, this has become my favourite way to keep up with the world.  While some are fellow social work and mental health types, I also cover a lot of my other interests - feminism, crafts, food, stuff.

Lately I've noticed an interesting trend - proof that mental health affects us ALL.  A number of my favourite bloggers have been posting about anxiety, developmental disorders, depression and the like.  I love reading these posts and commend those who have decided to share their struggles with the blogosphere - it's a big world out there and breaking the culture of silence around mental illness can be scary.

Here are some examples:
Jen over at Epbot blogs about her experience with anxiety disorder
Gail VazOxlade, usually in the business of giving financial advice is sharing chapters of her book A Mind of My Own about raising her son who has autism
Alycia at the Curious Pug posts about using crochet to help keep depression at bay
Caitlin of Fit and Feminist discusses (in this post and others) her experiences with drug addiction, disordered eating, and being an abuse survivor.

Have you  found insightful or inspirational posts such as these in unexpected places?  Do share!

First Contact

Meeting a new client for the first time can present many challenges.  Not least of these is figuring out WHO you are meeting.  I mean this literally - as I rarely see clients in the office, and won't go into their home until I know them a bit (and barring extenuating circumstances) I generally make these appointments in some kind of neutral, casual public place ie. coffee shop.  Such places generally have all kinds of people strolling in and out, so without any face recognition, it can be tricky to identify your client. 

I try to ask them for a bit of a physical description when we arrange the meeting.  I have learned that most people are not very good at giving this type of information.  Unless there is a really obvious feature like they use a wheelchair, or have 3-foot long dreads, most people describe themselves in pretty basic terms - I'm kinda short, I have dark hair...useful stuff.  I don't know if this is lack of self-awareness, or self-conciousness that prevents people from being more specific.

So I try to describe myself in order that they can find me.  I try to go with some specifics that won't easily confuse me with others - I have a nose ring, I carry a large purple bag, I wear a red scarf.  But many clients are nervous about a first meeting, and may not approach me.  To be sure some are the complete opposite, but I've had at least one woman sit in her car staring at me through the Tim Horton's window for almost half an hour before she could psych herself up to approach me (I'm really not that intimidating!). 

Then there's always the tried and true but slightly embarrasing method of "asking around"  - is your name Bob?  No?  Sorry to bother you.

I can't help but feel this gives people the impression that I'm there for some really lame mid-afternoon scuzzy-coffee shop blind date or something.

Some clients have cell phones and sometimes they even give me the number, so then I can try to call them.  Hopefully, their phone is turned on.  And hopefully it has minutes.  And hopefully they're not screening calls thus ignoring my "restricted number". 

Usually, we track each other down eventually.  Sometimes we don't.  When this happens it may mean days or weeks of trying to rebook and not miss each other again.  In my experience, when a client and I miss each other the first time, it's not been a good sign for things to come.  These have often turned out to be the clients who don't want to engage, or that I will end up chasing down just to get a few measly face-to-face contacts before they disappear completely. 

I have two new clients to meet this week.  Look for me, I'll be the anxious, jilted looking lady with purple bags under my eyes.

Buckle Up

So here’s the story.Sometime last week I got a call to do a telephone job interview (yay!) at it was arranged for Monday at 12:30.  Since I had a client appointment right before that, I figured I would book my ‘lunch’ on my calendar at the office, and take the call in my car.

So the day came, and I motored on over to one of my favourite parking spots (somewhere I’ve pulled over for actual lunch many times before) only to find the lot COMPLETELY full of cars and trailers for some movie shoot that was happening in town.  Crap.  I scrambled to figure out another quiet place I could go, that I could get to quickly enough to avoid missing the call while driving.

I pulled in to a local park where my only company seemed to be a couple dog walkers and a woman reapplying the chalk lines to the baseball diamond.  With minutes to spare.  Perfect.

So I start arranging myself, getting out a notepad and pen, a copy of my resume for reference, a bottle of water, put the seat into a good position, everything.  I review the job posting that I originally replied to, and make notes of a couple questions I might ask them.  I am soooooo organized.  And then I wait. 

The clock switches to 12:30 and I definitely have little butterflies in my stomach.  I know that I interview well face to face, but this is my first time interviewing on the phone, and I’m nervous.  This would be a good time to disclose that I actually have a LOT of anxiety around the phone.  Making calls and sometimes even answering calls takes a lot of energy for me sometimes.  My ultimate dream in life is to get a job where I have a receptionist, and I never have to answer the phone again. 

To push this all out of mind, I put on some music.  Pantera (not my CD) comes blaring out at me, and I quickly switch to something more soothing (John Lennon, New York City).  Unfortunately, I’m noticing that the butterflies in my stomach have transformed into an increasing need to go pee.  Oh well, the interview I was told would only take about 20 minutes, I can hold it.

But now it’s 12:51.  Still the phone has not rung.  I open the car windows slightly in order to get some air, and hum along to ‘Real Love’ to calm down and distract myself from the discomfort of my bladder (sorry, tmi?)

Just then, I hear the wheels of a car rolling up behind me, and turn around to see – what else – an approaching police cruiser.  Great.  My first thought is “did I miss a ‘private parking’ sign somewhere?” followed closely by “oh shit, what if my interview calls and I have to tell them I have to finish some business with the cops before I can speak to them?!?”  Not a good first impression.The officer came up, and I rolled the window further down.  He asked what I was doing there, and I told him I was waiting for a phone call.  This had to have been plausible, as I was sitting with a blank notebook open on my lap, and a cell phone ready in hand.  He asked to see my license anyway and I obliged since I really just wanted to get this over with, and also was pretty sure I had nothing to hide.  He took my card back to the car, while my eyes darted back and forth from the clock on the dash to my phone, clock, phone, clock, phone.  The officer returned my license and told me to have a nice day.  As an aside, I will keep this “waiting for a phone call” explanation in mind in case I’m ever approached by police again.  I figure since the ban on cell phones while driving has been instituted, they’ll consider this a smart choice on my part.By this point, it’s almost 1:00 and still no call. 

I get out my blackberry, and check the emails that had been sent back and forth confirming the date and time.  Yup, I had all my information correct.  This provides little reassurance, and in any case, I can’t really think about it because now I REALLY need to pee.

Fortunately, my parents live nearby so I decide to take a chance and drive over to their place to use the facilities.  I connect my phone to my Bluetooth just in case.

At mum and dads I’m feeling better after a quick trip to the loo, but the discomfort of needing to go has quickly been replaced by sheer panic about this interview. I log on to my parents computer and check the emails again.  I also look up the number of the woman who was supposed to call me, and decide it’s time I give them a ring. I dial the number, punch in the extension and…the voice mail is full.

Hmm.  Maybe she’s not in the office – should this make me feel better?  I there anyone else I can speak to?  There is no operator, and I don’t want to call through the crisis line.  I settle for sending an email along the lines of “I waited for your call but it didn’t come and I’m hoping we can reschedule because I’m still really interested in this opportunity I hope everything is okay and please let me know if there is anything I can do to resolve this situation have a nice day I’m just going to remain calm and remember that you don’t owe me anything and the ball is really in your court so I’ll bite my tongue about what I’m really thinking and I hope you notice the very professional tone of this email and feel impressed enough to call and offer me a job right away”.  Or something like that.

By Tuesday, I’d had no response.  I was sure of this after checking my email about a billion times.

I tried calling again, and this time I was able to leave a message.  What did THAT mean?  Presumably this woman was in the office enough to check her messages, so didn’t she read her email?  I did my best to sound professional in the voice message.

It’s now day three, and nothing.  WTF?  Maybe I don’t even want to work for these people – they clearly don’t have their shit together.  Except I haven’t totally given up hope yet.  But WHY oh WHY did the first response I’ve had to a job application in over A YEAR have to go down like this?

*sigh* If anything else does come of this, I’ll keep you posted.  If not, well… 

I think there are some anxiety issues we should talk about...

No, just because you leave me SIX messages before the office is even open does not mean that I will meet with you four hours ahead of schedule.  You can pace around the waiting area all you like.

Please, just go pt. 2

The housing transfer saga continues.
I met with the client. She had yet to make up her mind. She was highly anxious, and unfocussed and I could barely get a word in. I haven’t seen her like this in several months, although it used to be constant.

She wanted to know what I thought she should do. I wanted to tell her, but I didn’t. I reinforced that it was her decision, and tried to outline some pro’s and con’s.

Eventually, I ended the meeting since we were talking in circles. I suggested she call her worker at the housing agency and discuss it with her to figure out a final decision. We only have so much time.

Today, another message from her in the wee hours of the morning. She still hasn’t decided. I have a lot of thoughts and theories and hunches about this and about what I think she should do. But I’m getting too personally involved. This is counter-transference baby. I haven’t been able to connect with my supervisor for the past two days and I know I need to debrief with her, so I haven’t called the client back yet. I feel guilty about that.

This is rare for me. I’m usually pretty consistent about my boundaries, and I generally find it pretty easy to keep a healthy sense of detachment between me and my clients. But it’s bound to happen sometime, right?

Aarrgh! I really thought she was going to go for it.

Can’t…do…it…

Just can’t. Answer the phone. Not today. I will check the message and call you back, promise.

Why does this little piece of technology cause me such anxiety? I don’t know, but it always has. I should talk to myself about this – I counsel my clients regarding their anxiety all the time.

What I wouldn’t do to have a receptionist!