Friday the 13th resolutions*

So I realize I'm a little late to the game, but I've decided it's time to make some resolutions for 2012.  Not for my personal life which is practically perfect in every way (or not, whatever) but for my professional life. 

It actually makes more sense to do this now that on January 1st. 

On January 1st I was in full-blown vacation mode.  Driving along country roads gazing at the snow dusted fields, fresh from enjoying a cozy night with some friends in an old farm house.  Pleased with myself for downing enough water and eating half a loaf of olive bread to soak up the booze so I didn't feel too hung over.  Spending the rest of the day snuggling on the couch....ahem, what was I talking about again?  Oh yeah, resolutions. 

So anyway, things were rosy at New Years giving me no impetus to change.  By now I've been back to work for a week, and admittedly it's made me a bit of a grumpy bear (that's what AM would call me in his most mock-caring voice).  This attitude sucks.  For me, and everyone around me.  I'm sure this doesn't exlude my clients.  I care about them, I really do, and I don't like to feel that this doesn't come through in my work.

So I'm working on resolving this (ha, see what I did there?) or perhaps to put it in some more social-worky terms I'm trying to develop some strengths-based goals for myself.    In some cases I'm just renewing old goals.  Here's what I've got so far:

1. Practice positive thinking, not just for clients but for myself
2. Better self-care: always
3. Learn to say NO to things that will only drag me down (I really suck at this currently)
4. Keep up the job search, the right one WILL come along
5. Find creative ways to get involved at this job that will promote a better experience
6. Be thankful for what I have - be happy

They're not exactly SMART goals yet (10 points if you know what that is) but like I said, I'm working on it.

So what about you, any professional or personal resolutions this year?  

*I know there is some kind of joke about bad luck in here, it's just not coming to me.  TGIF

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I’m breaking up with a client. At least that’s what I’m trying to do.

I’ve been seeing her for two and a half years. I picked her up from another program, and she has had case management support since 2002.

She doesn’t need me anymore. She’s said as much herself: she’s got an active life in her community, great family and professional supports, medication that works well for her. But she sticks around because she wants a ride. I drive her twice a month to her trustee, which is a fair way from her house.

This arrangement made sense when she started it with her previous case manager. She needed help not to miss the appointments, and to understand the information she was given when there. But not any more. She’s had time to learn and get used to the process, and she can do it by herself, but doesn’t want to. I can hardly blame her. Why spend money on a taxi when you can get a ride for free? And taking the bus is a pain. That, and the fact that my “support” is tied to her housing makes it difficult for me to disengage.

This is the bigger (systemic) problem. More and more the focus in community mental health services is on “recovery” and this is definitely the right idea. People don’t need to stay sick forever, and support from people like me is supposed to help. This woman has had an incredible recovery, but as it stands our supportive housing program provides no exit as long as she relies on the rent subsidy. I would never say that her subsidy should be removed before she can afford it, as having safe and stable housing is obviously a huge contributing factor to keeping her well. She can afford (IMO) to do without me.

After having explored this issue from every angle with my supervisor for months and months, examining myself for counter-tranference, and trying everything to be sure we were not under-serving her or missing ways that we could connect or provide support, my supervisor told me that I have her backing to start withdrawing transportation support. I have no desire to leave her high and dry, so I will propose that we agree on a timeline in which we can develop a new transportation plan and then I will stop chauffeuring driving her. I began practicing in my head how the conversation would go, and how I will handle her possible reactions.

I went to pick her up yesterday. She was dressed very nice and had a big smile on her face. I wished her a happy belated mother’s day and she thanked me. Then she informed me “and it’s my birthday today!” Oh crap.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t rain on her birthday parade with my difficult news. Put plainly, I chickened out.

We meet again in two weeks. I’ll do it then, I swear. Otherwise, I know I’m only prolonging the pain.

15) Staying at a job for two years is a ‘long time’*

It’s hard to believe I’ve been at this job for almost two years now. I’ve worked that long (and longer) elsewhere before, but this is the first job I ever had providing long-term support to clients. Most of my caseload now has been with me for the entire time I’ve been here.

In the last two months especially, I’ve started to notice things in my working relationship with my clients which I think are the result of being able to have this on-going support. Clients sharing personal information because they finally feel comfortable. New insights being gained through reflecting together on the past two years of their life. For me, know what times of year are hard for a particular person, and anticipating triggering events. It’s kind of cool, and weird.

Not having done this before, I’m always learning as I go how to balance the intensity of my professional relationship with clients and my personal boundaries. “Relationship” doesn’t even seem like the right word. I’m more keenly aware as I work with individuals longer that the whole thing is so one sided. I’m uncomfortable with the unbalanced power dynamic, and yet it’s so necessary. I admit, I resent my clients sometimes for how much energy it takes to support them. But I know it takes a lot of their energy too to do the hard emotional work I put them up to.

In a few months the intake part of my job will end, and I’ll be back to full-time housing worker. I’m curious/anxious to start fresh with several new clients all at once. In that case, it’s a bit of a comfort knowing I’ll still have my old stand-bys to give me some (unconventional) predictability and a feeling of (sometimes) stable progress. Assuming I’m still here for them.

*See here

Please, just go pt. 2

The housing transfer saga continues.
I met with the client. She had yet to make up her mind. She was highly anxious, and unfocussed and I could barely get a word in. I haven’t seen her like this in several months, although it used to be constant.

She wanted to know what I thought she should do. I wanted to tell her, but I didn’t. I reinforced that it was her decision, and tried to outline some pro’s and con’s.

Eventually, I ended the meeting since we were talking in circles. I suggested she call her worker at the housing agency and discuss it with her to figure out a final decision. We only have so much time.

Today, another message from her in the wee hours of the morning. She still hasn’t decided. I have a lot of thoughts and theories and hunches about this and about what I think she should do. But I’m getting too personally involved. This is counter-transference baby. I haven’t been able to connect with my supervisor for the past two days and I know I need to debrief with her, so I haven’t called the client back yet. I feel guilty about that.

This is rare for me. I’m usually pretty consistent about my boundaries, and I generally find it pretty easy to keep a healthy sense of detachment between me and my clients. But it’s bound to happen sometime, right?

Aarrgh! I really thought she was going to go for it.