b.i.d.

Me: Do you have any medical or physical health problems?
Client: None
Me: Do you take any medications?
Client: Oh yeah, Metformin, Adalat for my blood pressure, Clonazepam, and one for my cholesterol...

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Social Work Edition

Like absolutely everyone else, those of us in social work often find the days leading up to Christmas to be particularly hectic.  It can be a hard time of year for many of our clients, so they may need additional support.  There are many charitable goings-on that we may be involved in, and most of us hope to get a couple days off with our own families.

Here's a little ditty to give you an idea of what the holiday rush looks like for us.  Feel free to sing along!  (I'm not typing out the verses over and over, you all know how it goes!)

Twelve grocery gift cards

Eleven overdue assessments  

Ten client Christmas parties  

Nine home visits 

Eight food hamper deliveries  

Seven flu shot clinics    

Six church hall turkey dinners  

Five volunteers!!!!!    (we love our volunteers)

Four donated toy drives     

Three office potlucks  

Two emergency room visits    

And one last minute crisis call!

  

But not much

Me: (asking about psychotic symptoms when filling out a client-directed assessment form)

Client: Sometimes I know things nobody else knows.  Just put down "a little bit psychic".  

20minutes@350degrees.com

From a client assessment by one of my co-workers:

Roger is responsible for paying his phone bill independently.  He does this through online baking.

*yes, small things like typos amuse me.*

Port: Where you dock your vessel *wink*wink*

From a mental health assessment form: 

Sec 14. Addictions
Rating example: Highly problematic, person is unable to stop using internet port sites and has lost job and wife.

This Week Sucks Because....(drumroll please)

1. I have only completed 2 out of 9 assessments that are due shortly (usually we only have 1 a week)
2. AM is away so I'm lonely and looking after kiddo by myself
3. I've got a vicious head cold
4. It's cold outside (there was snow yesterday)
5. I haven't written any of my notes for this week yet, and still have some from last week to input
6. I can't even say TGIF because I am going to have to work from home this weekend to catch up
7. I also have to survive taking a car load of obnoxious noisy excited kids to the Santa Claus parade

*whine*bitch*moan*complain*

Thank you, internet, for being there for me.

Telling

Written assessment answer from a client...

Alcohol: does drinking cause you any problems?
        Not mine, but other peoples around me.

Nooooooooooooooooooo!

Just...lost...a whole...assessment...that took me...2 HOURS...to...complete!!!!

*headdesk*

My Friday night bottle of wine can't come fast enough...

Once burned...

"No, I don’t want any relationships. I don’t want to answer to any one but me. Someone always want to control you and know where you going."

Stupid Stories from Work and from Home

#1 – Work

A co-worker – let’s call her “Kimberly” – was back to the office for the first day after her vacation. Kimberly had an appointment scheduled with “Jeremy J” at 1:00.

At 10:00, Jeremy J shows up to meet with Kimberly. He’s early, but she makes time to meet with him anyway. They sit for about an hour talking about the program supports she can offer, and the type of help that he is looking for. He's really enthusiastic and feels this is "just what I need!" They schedule a follow up appointment for the following week.

At 1:00, Jeremy J shows up to meet with Kimberly. Ah, wait a minute…you’re not Jeremy J, he was already here, and you don’t look a thing like him! It sinks in for Kimberly that she MET AND ASSESSED THE WRONG PERSON with a very similar name. We’re still trying to figure out how this happened, and now she has to do an assessment report for both and figure out just what we’re going to do with Jeremy J #1, since he hasn’t really even been referred to us! Welcome back Kimberly, vacation’s over.

#2 – Home

For some reason, AM decided that he really wanted Five Alive fruit punch at dinner. Dinner was only a short way away, so he put the can of concentrate out on the counter to thaw.

All three of us are hanging around the kitchen waiting for the vegetables to finish roasting, and AM decides that the juice is likely thawed enough to get out of the can. He pulls the little plastic tab and pops the metal top off, but the juice is still pretty frozen and doesn’t want to come out.

AM cleverly decides to hold the lid back on the can and give it a shake to loosen the juice so he can dump it in the jug. Somehow while completing this action (the details of which will be debated in the family for years to come, no doubt) the juice EXPLODES out of the can, landing on just about every single surface in our rather small kitchen, including a dollop on the kiddo’s head, and a good portion in my hair, clothes, and down my neck!

It took one dishcloth, two showers, and three times mopping the floor to (almost) clean up the mess. AM will forever be held responsible for the “Five Alive Attack!” (unless I come up with a better title. Anyone?)

Beware those California Crazies!

I have to re-assess my clients twice a year. At that time they are given the opportunity to assess themselves and their own progress. They are given a questionnaire which they can fill out by themselves, or work through with my help. Some questions beg more interesting answers than others. A couple of my recent favourites to this question:

Is culture (heritage) an important part of your life?

(speaking to me)
-“Damn right!” (rolls up sleeve to show me tattoo of the Scottish flag)

(written answer returned to me)
-“Not really. You could be from California and still be mental.”

Sibling Slip-up

When I meet clients for an intake assessment, I make notes on an unofficial “intake form.” It has prompting questions under headings like “medication” and “family history” with boxes giving me lots of space to write. I use it as a reference to complete the proper assessment on our electronic database later on. I often end up jotting things down in random boxes, as clients don’t always stick to the script.

So sometimes this happens:

Q: Are there any current family/marital issues?
A: brother, step-brother, step-sister.

My stomach in crisis

Emergency!

Where did all the office snacks go?!? They were here on Friday when I left, but now they seem to have disappeared…

I need something to get me though all these assessments.

Bipolar Rhymes

Had a client rap to me about his hallucinations in an intake assessment yesterday. Twice! I stopped him before he could get up to show me his dance moves.

Assessment Answers

Is culture (heritage) an important part of your life?
No. Am Scottish, no kilt.