What Makes Me Happy

This is about a client I had when I first started this job. I may have reflected on this story before in my blog, so bear with me if it sounds familiar.

He had been in the system for years, and had previously been supported by a coworker who left for another job.  He was a young man with schizophrenia and developmental delays.  He lived with his family (who wanted the best for him) including his grandmother who brushed his teeth for him even though he could do it himself.  It is fair to say there was a lot of learned helplessness going on.  

I was a little more eager and a lot less experienced then.  This man was more ill than anyone I had worked with previously.  My normal tactics did not work.  We were down to real basics - getting him to remember who I was, and remember his appointments.  Our appointments consisted of me trying desperately to make some kind of conversation while he was more interested in watching soccer or getting me to take him out for pizza.  All the while granny is knitting in the background and making me hyper aware of my youth and inexperience.  

I don't remember what the incident was, but somehow he ended up in hospital.  The family and I worked with the doctors to get a med review and he was started on Clozapine.  While he was still admitted I advocated to get him in with our ACTT program (Assertive  Community Treatment team - a more intensive level of support than what I provide) and he was accepted, so I never really saw him after his discharge from hospital.

Until one day I was in the waiting area of a psychiatrists office with another client.  I recognized this man's sister and then he came out from his appointment.  He looked me straight in the eye and said "Hi Nectarine" and then proceeded on his way.  

That was it.  But it was so much!  This person, who had met me at the door with a blank face week after week, giggled when he couldn't remember my name for months over a year prior at this time had said HI and addressed me by name!  He now attends one of our drop in programs and I see him over there from time to time.  Every time this same thing happens.  He says hello to me the same way, and then walks away.  It's all I'm likely to get, but it's so much.  It makes my day every time.  

Will this client continue to recover?  Probably.  Will he recover to a level that other people find "normal"?  Probably not, but to me, all the work he and his supports have done is so worth it to bring this human being out of the bubble his illness and medications had put him in.  I'm grateful to have been a small part of it.

What Inspires Recovery?

This post is a part of the Recovery 101 blog series. The series will explore ideas, philosophies, language, tools and questions about mental health recovery. Submit any ideas for topics in the comments section of any tagged post.


Stories of success in mental health recovery often include a moment of inspiration.  An action by a friend or family member, a life event, a misfortune or a random bit of information learned may act as a catalyst to change in an individual's life.  The stories I have heard often describe a change in the individual's thinking which promotes a drive or motivation to recover.  They reframe their thinking.  They gain hope or a positive outlook.  They create a goal for themselves. 

As workers or support figures we are often searching to find this source of inspiration for our clients or friends.  Doubtless mental illness suffers are seeking it for themselves too.

Last week saw Bell Let's Talk day get lots of attention.  I decided not to write about it at the time due to it being a corporate sponsored event, and I don't have much to say about Bell.  The next day however one of my clients talked about watching a TV interview with Let's Talk spokesperson Clara Hughes along with other famous sports figures talking about their experiences with mental illness (depression and PTSD were covered as far as I remember) and how they recovered.  This client himself suffers with depression.  He told me that watching the show made him feel even worse.  He said they each talked about how their spouse or partner helped them get through - he does not have a spouse, and when he did she was more cause for pain than support.  He said they talked about how despite their various successes (Olympic medals, major trophies and awards) they still suffered.  His take?  If he didn't even have these type of awards, how much worse off does that make him?

Not the intended effect of the program I'm sure.  What was meant to inspire in this case, really didn't help. 

On the other hand I have taken clients to hear recovery stories shared by those in their community and they have reported feeling hopeful in their own lives as a result.  One woman I worked with who has bipolar disorder described watching coverage of Charlie Sheen go off the rails as inspiration for her to get better because she "didn't want to end up like that guy".  There are stories of people going to their doctor, support worker, family member and hearing the same message every day until finally "click!" something registered that was their moment of inspiration.

The moment of inspiration does not result in life getting fixed over night.  Things may not look any different for a while.  But down the road, further along the recovery journey it's the moment that someone looks back on and says "that's when everything changed for me.  That's when I knew I could get better." 

It's the moment that makes all the difference.  Because we can be surrounded by the most well-meaning people in the world, all the praise and validation one could ask for.  But if we are suffering inside, true change will not come until we are open to it.  And the key to open the door may come in all kinds of strange and unpredictable forms.

Thursday Morning Interrupted

I start most of my Thursdays in the same way.  I have a standing appointment with a long time client at 9:00.  Since my work day actually starts at 8:30, I usually pull up into a local parking lot, and drink tea from my thermos while I remotely check my voicemail and read emails on my blackberry.  At about 5 to 9 I drive on over to the client's building and we usually meet for the full hour.  This particular client likes to share, and always has lots to talk about.

The other day I followed said routine.  At about 5 to 9 I realized that I kinda needed to pee, but didn't have time to get to the McDonalds down the street (my preferred pit-stop location.  I won't eat there, but their bathrooms sure are nice and clean!) so not thinking much of it I went on to my meeting. 

As my client is launching into his weekly update, all I can think about is my need for the loo.  It's getting worse by the minute.  I've never used the toilet in a client's home (just my personal philosophy) and I'm not about to start in this particular one.  My client is extremely nice, but not the best housekeeper.  And let's just say that over the years this client has related many a charming tale about various bathroom "misses" (I'll leave that to the imagination).  Only 20 minutes into our appointment as I'm trying desperately not to wriggle and fidget, I had to make some really lame excuse - I'm sorry I have to cut this short today, I've over booked myself - and got out of there! 

Waiting for the elevator was agony.  As I got to the ground and dashed for my car, I quickly tried to come up with my best plan considering urgency/need to avoid any embarrassment.  In full on wiggle mode in the car, I drove down the street to my mother's house, as it's mercifully nearby.  I totally made it, and basked in the glory of this success for a few minutes before carrying on with my day.

This is remarkable only because how is this the first time ever this has happened?  I do the same bloody thing every week?!?  I guess I should be grateful, and just hope it never happens again.

System Shock

The thing that never happens HAPPENED. The system saved the day!

Allow me to explain.

My client is on long-term disability from his job due to his mental illness. His wife works full-time at a fast food restaurant. They have had subsidized daycare for their 6 year old daughter for the past two years.

They received notice recently that their subsidy would end as of September, as their daughter will begin attending full day school. They asked me to call Children’s Services to advocate keeping the subsidy, as they can’t afford the full rates. Children’s Services explained to me that once a child is past the preschool age, and in full day school it is presumed that they do not require the same level of care, and the parent should be able to manage this. Apparently, this is policy. She said she had never heard of any exceptions being made. I kinda see their point, but have these people never heard of P.D. days? Winter and spring break? Summer vacation???? There are many days when the little one will not be in school.

My client is doing well in his recovery, but is not yet able to take care of his daughter by himself for extended periods. He has appointments with various therapists, doctors, clinics pretty much daily, and has difficulty staying awake for long periods of time and handling stressful situations.

So today, 3 days before they are to be cut off the Children’s Services worker calls me back. Apparently the department has just finished approving a new policy which states that approved disability leaves will continue to qualify for supports beyond preschool age, and this already applies to this family.

Hallelujah! We must have saved up some good karma or something. I was all set to do battle with the higher-ups if need be, but they pre-empted me! Any of you readers who work in or receive social services will know just how rare an event this is indeed.

Not bad for a Monday morning.

Celebrate the Small Stuff

It's really easy to get bogged down by negativity and frustration in this line of work.  Sometimes you just can't help but feel that recovery is impossibly slow, and "the system" is nothing but a big nasty mess serving only to keep people down.  It doesn't help when all over the news there are stories of families who lock their mother suffering with dementia in the garage, and Community Housing Corporations with big spending problems.

This is why it is so important to celebrate the successes.  Even the small stuff. 

Yesterday a client of mine officially received a Regional rent subsidy on her apartment (not from the troubled TCHC).  This is the first client I have even been working with that I have seen come to the top of the list!  She had been waiting for 14 years.  Despite all the paperwork (which this client in particular has zero patience for) she was very excited, as was I. 

Next week we're going to Roll up the Rim to celebrate.