With wee little petri dishes, and tiny test tubes...

line from hospital records...

"There have been little laboratory investigations performed."

I'm picturing something like this:

Overheard clients in the hallway

I always go to my shrink, but I don't get any smaller!

I'm reading this now and realizing it's likely some lame old joke, but it's the first time I heard it, and it made me laugh.  Gotta love when people can laugh at themselves too.

If only *this* was what we dealt with as housing workers

Bright Ideas (Lame Jokes)

Source

The Big Barn in the Sky

For some reason I remembered this story the other day and thought I should share.

This was a couple years ago when I was in an intake worker role.  A young woman had been referred to us who at the time was staying in temporary crisis housing for people with dual diagnosis (in Canada that refers to mental health and developmental disability).  Usually we would do intakes at our office but since she had no transportation, was not familiar with the area where she was housed and was in a pretty dire situation we agreed to meet her at the place she was staying.  Since this was an off-site visit with a client we'd never met before, and since we were curious about the program supporting her (hadn't dealt with them before) my intake partner and I decided we would both go to meet her.

This young woman had been through a lot.  Most notably, her mother had died recently and that among  other things ended her up in the crisis housing.  She had no other family, but did have close friends who were now her guardians and she would be moving in with them soon.  Despite everything she'd been through and her DD, she was engaging, optimistic and had a sense of humour throughout the interview.  We got all the information we needed, told her about our program and let her know we would be in touch.

Once outside, I commented to my partner that I was impressed  and pleasantly surprised at how together and well this young woman had seemed.  She looked at me with utter confusion and said "What?!  She was either psychotic or her cognition is lower than we thought.  All that talk about how her mother "bought the farm"?  I don't think she understands that her mother DIED, I'm really worried about her!  She thinks her mother is on a farm somewhere!"

At which point I burst out laughing and had to explain the euphemism.  It was a cute moment.

Mental Health Practitioner

A little funny for your Friday.


Mental Health Practitioner
by: tortuga713



*If you're having trouble viewing the video go here

Field Trip!

It's a very frosty morning out, but I'm still looking forward to going with a group of clients to the farm today.  Now if I can just get AM to stop making jokes about sending me to the "funny farm"!

Lost in Translation

I subscribe to an online discussion forum for housing workers in my area. I often skim the discussion notices I get in my in-box, however the following caught my attention:


User 1: Hello, we are searching for a Ga-speaking mental health outreach worker for one of our Ghanaian tenants who is struggling with schizophrenia. We've contacted a number of MH service agencies and settlement service agencies, but have had no luck. Any contacts would be much appreciated.
thanks

User 2: you can try Multilingual Community Interrupter Service who would be able to support you!!!

User 3: I believe the spelling is Interpreter. An interrupter service would be the polar opposite of that provided by MCIS.

Potty Break

I was at our local disability support office with a client the other day. It’s a nice new building, so I decided to take the opportunity to use a clean and non-scary washroom. I walked in and nearly burst out laughing (which was bad, since I really had to pee) when I saw this sign next to the toilet:

I then turned around and saw this one:

Text: AS A COURTESY TO THE NEXT USER PLEASE OBSERVE THE FOLLOWING: > Do not step on the toilet bowl > Please FLUSH the toilet after use > Keep the whole toilet area clean as you leave. Tissue is cheap. > Please wash your hands after you have finished.

One sign must not have been enough to dissuade these incorrigible washroom destroyers. I guess some people just have no sense of public toilet etiquette.

Adventures at the Doctor's Office pt 2

Sometimes I read Dr. Grumpy and feel sorry for the doctors. Sometimes I sit in a waiting room and feel sorry for the patients!

A woman came in and I overheard this exchange:

Ms. Skrewd – Hello, I’m here early as usual!
Receptionist – I’m sorry, we don’t have you down for an appointment…
Ms. S – What do you mean? I see Dr. Nohelp twice a year to check my ____________. I booked this appointment 6 months ago!
Receptionist – (checking computer)…I’m sorry I really don’t see your name here. Although we did change our booking system a few months ago, so we may have lost your appointment.
Ms. S – Look, I had to take off work to be here. Can she fit me in?
Receptionist – She’s not here today. She’s never in on Wednesdays.
Ms. S – Well how soon could you book me in to see her?
Receptionist – I’m sorry, she’s about to go on maternity leave. This is her last week.

I think that’s when Ms. Skrewd’s head exploded. They did get her in to see one of the other doc’s however.

Adventures at the Doctor's Office pt 1

Found in a doctor's waiting room yesterday.  It's not the best shot, so in case you can't tell that is a National Geographic magazine from October 1977.  I know doctor's offices are notorious for providing out of date reading material, but this is a little ridiculous!  There was an ad for "color TV" on the back.

Job Posting

From a Social Worker/Therapist job listing that came through my inbox...

Second language is considered an asset;
Willingness to work at multiple sites due to program scheduling & requirements;
Evening work will be required;
Subject to a Police Reference Check;
A nice sense of humour wouldn’t hurt.

Foot in Mouth Disease

A co-worker of mine is having a bad week.




She works in the front-reception area of our office. The other day a woman from a community partner came in to pick up a large box of information pamphlets. My co-worker kindly offered to help, as she told the woman she should not have to carry such a heavy load when she was pregnant!



Ah, turns out she wasn’t pregnant.



A day or two later, this same co-worker was at a community event hosting our information booth. She was handing out these little cards we have with a black square in the middle where you press your thumb to read your “mood” (kinda like the old mood rings). Red=tense, blue=relaxed, green=calm etc.



A man approached and she gave him a card. He looked at it and said, what is this, is it working? Oh no, she says, you’re black! Uh, yeah, I know I’m black he says. Because he was. Black. Ack, no, I meant you’re still black she stumbles. Offended and confused, he walked away saying I know that, you don’t have to tell me!



She went from white to about 5 shades of red.



It was good for a laugh back at the office at least. Which we all need every now and then to help go from red to blue (or green, whatever).

Stupid Stories from Work and from Home

#1 – Work

A co-worker – let’s call her “Kimberly” – was back to the office for the first day after her vacation. Kimberly had an appointment scheduled with “Jeremy J” at 1:00.

At 10:00, Jeremy J shows up to meet with Kimberly. He’s early, but she makes time to meet with him anyway. They sit for about an hour talking about the program supports she can offer, and the type of help that he is looking for. He's really enthusiastic and feels this is "just what I need!" They schedule a follow up appointment for the following week.

At 1:00, Jeremy J shows up to meet with Kimberly. Ah, wait a minute…you’re not Jeremy J, he was already here, and you don’t look a thing like him! It sinks in for Kimberly that she MET AND ASSESSED THE WRONG PERSON with a very similar name. We’re still trying to figure out how this happened, and now she has to do an assessment report for both and figure out just what we’re going to do with Jeremy J #1, since he hasn’t really even been referred to us! Welcome back Kimberly, vacation’s over.

#2 – Home

For some reason, AM decided that he really wanted Five Alive fruit punch at dinner. Dinner was only a short way away, so he put the can of concentrate out on the counter to thaw.

All three of us are hanging around the kitchen waiting for the vegetables to finish roasting, and AM decides that the juice is likely thawed enough to get out of the can. He pulls the little plastic tab and pops the metal top off, but the juice is still pretty frozen and doesn’t want to come out.

AM cleverly decides to hold the lid back on the can and give it a shake to loosen the juice so he can dump it in the jug. Somehow while completing this action (the details of which will be debated in the family for years to come, no doubt) the juice EXPLODES out of the can, landing on just about every single surface in our rather small kitchen, including a dollop on the kiddo’s head, and a good portion in my hair, clothes, and down my neck!

It took one dishcloth, two showers, and three times mopping the floor to (almost) clean up the mess. AM will forever be held responsible for the “Five Alive Attack!” (unless I come up with a better title. Anyone?)

Client Quote of the Day

"I'm so broke I can't afford to pay attention."

T.G.I.Funny.

It’s Friday (in case you hadn’t noticed) and I’m feeling a little burnt out. Being the excellent mental health worker that I am, I know this means I should try to do some “self-care”. So I figured in order to lighten things up, I’d find something funny to post to the ol’blog.

Unfortunately, my .02187345 second internet search revealed that good humour about mental health is hard to find. I decided anyway to go with this classic, borrowed from bouldertherapist.com:

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press – no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative come on line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.


Hopefully in the near future, I’ll be able to check out the new Toronto Stand Up for Mental Health and hear some better material!