Mental Health *headdesk* Moments

How how HOW does a client who tried to kill himself TWICE this week and was brought in to hospital BY THE CRISIS TEAM, who found him intoxicated and holding a knife get discharged from emerg without ever getting admitted?!?!?

Venting x2

*

Twice in the past few days I have called the hospital Mental Health Outpatient Clinic to get an update on my client's waitlist status. 

Twice I have been informed that the client is not even on the list!  They have no record of a referral. 

In one case this client's doctor told him he made the referral in October.  In the other, the client told me her doctor referred her last summer!  This client is brand new to me, so we're off to a busy start.

The outpatient clinic has a four month wait list.  They both should have been seen by now.  Now I am trying to help each sort out what happened.

GRRRRRR

*I do not endorse this method of stress relief.  If you are feeling upset, talk to your counsellor.  If you don't have a counsellor, call your local mental health services you might get one in a year or two.
In the meantime just try not to throw anything at anybody.

Port: Where you dock your vessel *wink*wink*

From a mental health assessment form: 

Sec 14. Addictions
Rating example: Highly problematic, person is unable to stop using internet port sites and has lost job and wife.

Email of the Day

Hi Everyone,

Sorry but I seem to be the barrier of bad new lately!


I think this homophonic mix-up by our IT person may have been a Freudian slip.  We have been plagued by network and system problems in the past two weeks, and this was from an email informing us of more problems.  She probably wishes she could throw up some kind of tech-force field to protect from any more problems.  I think "bad new lately" is just some kind of code for "everything sucks right now".  I should really give her a break since she's been working day and night to try to fix all this stuff.

;-)

Operator, what's wrong?*

The fax came through, but the page must have twisted or crumpled a bit, because the extension number was obscured.  Tried to guess at the number, but guessed wrong (sorry to have bothered you ma'am). 

Called the main line of the hospital and gave the new "automated voice system" a try, but the computer figured that "Andrea" was close enough to "Angela" and patched you through wrong again.

Called the main line, pressed 0 for the operator to ask a real person.  They gave you the extension for the department, which didn't even match the 4 out of 5 numbers you could read on the original document.  Spoke to a very nice lady who told you no, you need to call our downtown location.  Gave you that number, and you give it a whirl.

Another helpful sort answers the phone only to tell you:
1) the person you want to speak to is not in today
2) the whole department closed half an hour ago &
3) you'll need a new release of information before you speak to the person you've been trying to reach anyway.  The one you have is out of date.

Aaargh!

*I dial stupid number all day long! 6060-842

Always Fresh

Office coffee: just like Tim Horton's, 20 minutes 5 hours fresh!  Mmmm....



If you can't read it, that sticker says "9:35am". Pic taken after 2pm.



Helloooo Nurse (is there anybody in there???)

Me (on the intercom/phone thingy outside Local Hospital Mental Health Unit) : Hi, I'm Nectarine from Community Mental Health. I called earlier and one of my clients is here. Could you buzz me in so I can see her?


Nurse: Uh, I'm sorry ma'am, visiting hours begin at 4:30.

Me: I only work until 4:30. I'm not here to visit.

Nurse: I'm sorry, we don't allow visitors until 4:30.

Me: I understand that.

Nurse: I can't let you in here.

Me: Can I speak to my client?!?

Nurse: Who did you say you were again?

Me: I'm her case manager. From Community Mental Health.

Nurse: Well, I guess I can let you in.



*the magic door finally opens to admit Nectarine, and she approaches the fishbowl impenetrable force field nursing station and waits patiently outside the plexiglass for about an hour 4 minutes before Nurse emerges.*



Nurse: Uh, can I help you?

Me: Can you direct me to my client Janey Sad?

Nurse (looking me up and down): Where's your ID badge?

Me: We don't have ID badges, I can show you my business card. This is not my first time here.

Nurse scans my business card.

Me: So can you show me where to find my client?

Nurse: Don't you know? I thought you said you'd been here before?

Me: Uh, yeah, many times to see different people. My client just got here, I don't know which room she's in.

Nurse: I guuueeess I can show you.



*Nectarine follows Nurse down the hall where she opens the door to a patient room*



Nurse: Yeah, this lady is so confused. She's naked, you can come in.

Me: I think I should let her get dressed first...

Nurse (to patient): Helloooo! This worker is here to see you. THIS LADY IS HERE TO SEE YOU. (to me) Come on in...

Me: Uh, are you sure this is my client? That doesn't sound like her.

Nurse: Who?

Me: Ms. Janey Sad.

Nurse: Ohhh, this is Janey Nothere. She's sooo confused.



*another staff member kindly interrupts*



Staff: Did you say you were looking for Janey Sad? She's right here in the activity room, I'll get her for you.



*Nectarine meets with Janey (Sad) who is relieved to see her. Nectarine then waits twice as long outside the fishbowl nursing station, loudly but politely saying "Excuse me" before someone finally buzzes her out the door. She decides right then and there that she will personally drive all clients to Nearby Hospital in future as she is swears she is never coming back to Local again.*

Office Space

I love my desk.

At least as much as anyone can love their designated office compartment. 

At a recent restructuring of our office, I finagled and pulled rank to get this lovely quiet spot at the far end of the office, with a window at my back.  I get to enjoy the sunshine as well as relative privacy.  I take comfort in the fact that there is no one behind me.  Until I turn around and realize that three levels of management have been sitting at the picnic table directly outside the window, while I have just spent 10 minutes checking Facebook.  Whoops!

Adventures at the Doctor's Office pt 2

Sometimes I read Dr. Grumpy and feel sorry for the doctors. Sometimes I sit in a waiting room and feel sorry for the patients!

A woman came in and I overheard this exchange:

Ms. Skrewd – Hello, I’m here early as usual!
Receptionist – I’m sorry, we don’t have you down for an appointment…
Ms. S – What do you mean? I see Dr. Nohelp twice a year to check my ____________. I booked this appointment 6 months ago!
Receptionist – (checking computer)…I’m sorry I really don’t see your name here. Although we did change our booking system a few months ago, so we may have lost your appointment.
Ms. S – Look, I had to take off work to be here. Can she fit me in?
Receptionist – She’s not here today. She’s never in on Wednesdays.
Ms. S – Well how soon could you book me in to see her?
Receptionist – I’m sorry, she’s about to go on maternity leave. This is her last week.

I think that’s when Ms. Skrewd’s head exploded. They did get her in to see one of the other doc’s however.

Comment Probs

I would just like to say "hi" to some recent followers and commenters!  For some reason, Blogger is not keeping me signed in to comment, so I haven't been able to reply to anyone.  Is anybody else having this problem?  Here's hoping it's temporary!

Tinnitus too

We have a new microwave in the office. The tone when you push the buttons is extremely annoying.

The photocopier won't stop beeping because it is angry that it has nearly run out of cyan toner.

My co-worker must be very popular today, because she left her cell phone on her desk and the beeping, bleeping, and ridiculous ringtone are incessant!

There are at least 6 people in here all on the phone at once, yelling at the poor people on the other end of the line in order to hear themselves over everyone else!!!

THIS NOISE MUST STOP!

If this is some weird test from the universe to see how well I handle what many of my voice hearing clients experience every day then I fail. Miserably.

Nooooooooooooooooooo!

Just...lost...a whole...assessment...that took me...2 HOURS...to...complete!!!!

*headdesk*

My Friday night bottle of wine can't come fast enough...

When Spell Check Doesn't Help

Note to self: when recording how a client copes with their symptoms of depression, there is a big difference between "medication" and "meditation."  While both could potentially be effective, be sure to pick the right one.

Whoops!

Stupid Stories from Work and from Home

#1 – Work

A co-worker – let’s call her “Kimberly” – was back to the office for the first day after her vacation. Kimberly had an appointment scheduled with “Jeremy J” at 1:00.

At 10:00, Jeremy J shows up to meet with Kimberly. He’s early, but she makes time to meet with him anyway. They sit for about an hour talking about the program supports she can offer, and the type of help that he is looking for. He's really enthusiastic and feels this is "just what I need!" They schedule a follow up appointment for the following week.

At 1:00, Jeremy J shows up to meet with Kimberly. Ah, wait a minute…you’re not Jeremy J, he was already here, and you don’t look a thing like him! It sinks in for Kimberly that she MET AND ASSESSED THE WRONG PERSON with a very similar name. We’re still trying to figure out how this happened, and now she has to do an assessment report for both and figure out just what we’re going to do with Jeremy J #1, since he hasn’t really even been referred to us! Welcome back Kimberly, vacation’s over.

#2 – Home

For some reason, AM decided that he really wanted Five Alive fruit punch at dinner. Dinner was only a short way away, so he put the can of concentrate out on the counter to thaw.

All three of us are hanging around the kitchen waiting for the vegetables to finish roasting, and AM decides that the juice is likely thawed enough to get out of the can. He pulls the little plastic tab and pops the metal top off, but the juice is still pretty frozen and doesn’t want to come out.

AM cleverly decides to hold the lid back on the can and give it a shake to loosen the juice so he can dump it in the jug. Somehow while completing this action (the details of which will be debated in the family for years to come, no doubt) the juice EXPLODES out of the can, landing on just about every single surface in our rather small kitchen, including a dollop on the kiddo’s head, and a good portion in my hair, clothes, and down my neck!

It took one dishcloth, two showers, and three times mopping the floor to (almost) clean up the mess. AM will forever be held responsible for the “Five Alive Attack!” (unless I come up with a better title. Anyone?)

(Almost) Back

So I’m back in the real world (and the blog world) after a (mostly) lovely Christmas vacation. AM is still off, so the kiddo is home with him today, meaning that my first morning back run-around was significantly simpler than usual. Between that, and the lighter holiday season traffic, I was at work pretty early. So early in fact, that, ah, there was no one here…and the door was locked. There was a Very Helpful Sign on the door that said “Dear tenants, the building will be closed on December 27 and 28, 2010 for statutory holidays.”

Uh, yeah. See Christmas and Boxing both fell on a weekend this year, so there apparently had been some variation in how companies worked this out – my agency gave us Friday and Monday as stats, and the building company apparently decided that Monday and TUESDAY would be better. I returned to my car, and parked with a view of the door to see if anyone else showed up. They did, and apparently had some super-secret, special way of getting in the building (how was I to know that our swipe cards would work for the outer door too?) and I followed them in. So everything worked out, but for arriving so early, I won’t also get to leave as early as I thought I would at end of day, since I didn’t start working until later. *grumble grumble*

Can’t wait till Friday, when we’re off for New Years. And at least I’ll know what to do NEXT week when the building will be closed on MONDAY.

Worry? Me? Nah.

Voicemail left by a client:

"…I know I asked you for that taxi voucher thing last week so I could go to the food bank? But I was just calling to ask you if I could use it to go to my doctor for my stomach instead, I can get to the food bank, I don’t know if you know that guy George? He’s that kind of blind guy that goes there a lot, but he drives around and I can get a ride with him. So I just wanted to call you to tell you don’t worry about it. Call me back!"

How Time Flies

It's started. I'm writing January 3, 2010 2011 on client appointment cards. We'll see if I can break the habit sooner rather than later. Mid-February would be impressive!

December Rush

December is here, the busiest time of year for many. Those of us working in social services are certainly not exempt (it’s not as bad now as when I was working for the Salvation Army, but that’s a story for another day) so what a time for by Blackberry calendar to stop synching properly!


I’ve already been double booked once due to this technological fail, and as a result had to beg on hands and knees to get a taxi approved for my client so she can go to the food bank before Christmas.

Only 15 days until vacation…

Drinking and Driving (seperately of course)

Note to self: remove all Beer Store receipts from the passenger seat before transporting a client.

*headdesk*

Worth Reading?

We were lied to, it's true. The paperless society we were all promised sometime back in the mid-90's never came to be. Unfortunately, some people slacked off and decided that it wasn't worth developing legible handwriting since it was supposedly going to become obsolete. Not so, my friend. I only know who you are because your chicken scratch is so distinctive, and also because you refer to us frequently.

Since we are such good friends, maybe you could help me out. On the referral you sent for "Deerkani Ssghur", on "Oct 27/2u10", you indicate that the reason for referral is "To mountain mental lealth, stubilix, incrcase activation. You also note a primary diagnosis of "Dszchxtie NOS". Now, since I've known you and your handwriting for so long, I think I can make out most of what you meant, but please tell me, what are we activating? Admittely, I'm a little scared to find out.

Your cooperation is appreciated, and we look forward to working with you again in the future. Tkhks for yuur timme.