Thursday, September 8, 2011

Helloooo Nurse (is there anybody in there???)

Me (on the intercom/phone thingy outside Local Hospital Mental Health Unit) : Hi, I'm Nectarine from Community Mental Health. I called earlier and one of my clients is here. Could you buzz me in so I can see her?

Nurse: Uh, I'm sorry ma'am, visiting hours begin at 4:30.

Me: I only work until 4:30. I'm not here to visit.

Nurse: I'm sorry, we don't allow visitors until 4:30.

Me: I understand that.

Nurse: I can't let you in here.

Me: Can I speak to my client?!?

Nurse: Who did you say you were again?

Me: I'm her case manager. From Community Mental Health.

Nurse: Well, I guess I can let you in.

*the magic door finally opens to admit Nectarine, and she approaches the fishbowl impenetrable force field nursing station and waits patiently outside the plexiglass for about an hour 4 minutes before Nurse emerges.*

Nurse: Uh, can I help you?

Me: Can you direct me to my client Janey Sad?

Nurse (looking me up and down): Where's your ID badge?

Me: We don't have ID badges, I can show you my business card. This is not my first time here.

Nurse scans my business card.

Me: So can you show me where to find my client?

Nurse: Don't you know? I thought you said you'd been here before?

Me: Uh, yeah, many times to see different people. My client just got here, I don't know which room she's in.

Nurse: I guuueeess I can show you.

*Nectarine follows Nurse down the hall where she opens the door to a patient room*

Nurse: Yeah, this lady is so confused. She's naked, you can come in.

Me: I think I should let her get dressed first...

Nurse (to patient): Helloooo! This worker is here to see you. THIS LADY IS HERE TO SEE YOU. (to me) Come on in...

Me: Uh, are you sure this is my client? That doesn't sound like her.

Nurse: Who?

Me: Ms. Janey Sad.

Nurse: Ohhh, this is Janey Nothere. She's sooo confused.

*another staff member kindly interrupts*

Staff: Did you say you were looking for Janey Sad? She's right here in the activity room, I'll get her for you.

*Nectarine meets with Janey (Sad) who is relieved to see her. Nectarine then waits twice as long outside the fishbowl nursing station, loudly but politely saying "Excuse me" before someone finally buzzes her out the door. She decides right then and there that she will personally drive all clients to Nearby Hospital in future as she is swears she is never coming back to Local again.*

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