Five Minutes to Five

The time of day at which I put my phone to "Do Not Disturb".  Because no phone call at this time of day will last less than 5 minutes.  It's like, a law of nature or something.

Eye of the Hurricane

For the first time in over 5 years, I have no clients.  I have officially discharged everyone that was on my old case list for my old job, and am waiting to be assigned the clients for my new job.  It feels kind of...weird?  I have work to keep me busy, but in the meantime there are few appointments to attend, no follow ups to arrange, and no messages on my voicemail (that part I really like).  I'm trying to take advantage of this time to get myself ready for whatever comes next.

Cuppa Care

In my personal life, I have a pretty simple solution for just about every problem in life.  TEA!  When faced with just about any ailment or annoyance, a quick cuppa can help me feel better.  If only I could apply this to social work.

Depressed?  How about a colourful flowering tea to brighten your day?
Feeling anxious? A warm cup of ginger with honey to sooth and take the edge off.
Feeling lonely?  Why not spend some time with your friend Lady Grey?
Can't get to sleep?  Drift off with some chamomile.
Lacking energy and motivation? Some zesty lemon green tea should get you going.
Trouble getting along with the people in your life?  Bond over a boiling pot of chai.
Feeling broke and cold?  Hold that mug in both hands and feel it's warmth.

I mean, the list could go on all day.  If only our work were so simple and delicious.  I'm going to go brew some now!

Up In Smoke

It's got to be one of my least favourite thing about my job - my hair and clothes smelling like smoke after doing home visits*.  Many clients are courteous, and don't smoke while I visit.  Some just find it too difficult to  it though the appointment without smoking.  In summer we often accommodate this by meeting outside.  But it's currently winter here in Canada, and temperatures are too cold for that.

Some job postings in this field state that the candidate should be aware they will be in smoking-environments.  Mine didn't but I've long recognized it as an unavoidable workplace hazard.  Sure, if I really wanted I could try to insist that clients meet me elsewhere, but the home visit plays an important role in my work, puts focus on me rather than the client, and possibly makes them feel guilty.  That's not what I'm trying to do folks.  Besides, it's their room/apartment/house.

Not so fun fact: rates of smoking for people with schizophrenia are estimated at about 88% - three times that of the general population.  And smoking cessation is just not high on the list of goals or priorities for most of my clients, who are busy trying to manage their symptoms, maintain their housing and survive on a few hundred bucks a month.

So until this changes, you'll see my huddled in my big coat and hat, driving with my windows down in winter trying to air myself out.

*not every home visit.  About half my current clients are smokers

I did it!

Today is November 1.  And I got all my October contacts entered!*  On time!  Aaaaand---I made my numbers for the month!  The last time these two things BOTH happened?  I have no idea.  But I can tell you that it's been a while.  So Imma celebrate and high five myself.

*yeah, so the notes that belong to those contacts haven't all been written and entered yet, but I'm working on it.  At least they'll get counted.  This will not spoil my celebration!

Me Days

If you work in mental health services like me, or other health care settings, or hell - any job at all, does your employer offer mental health days?

Mine does.  They used to be classified as "mental health days" and now are part of our "personal days" which includes our sick days as well.

I've always thought this is a really great benefit, and makes sense since a mental health focused agency should understand that we all benefit from staff being in good mental shape.

Somehow I stopped to think about this today and realized that in my five years working here I have taken two - just 2! - mental health days.  Once was when we learned we were loosing our child care provider.  I was in a panic and needed time to focus on finding a new one.  The second was when my partner had been away for about a month on a job and had a really miserable time.  I wanted to be there for him when he got home.

So why?  Why if I value this benefit so much do I not take advantage of it?  There is guilt involved for sure.  And the dread of having more worked piled up when I return.  Plus the time consuming factor of having to rebook appointments.  Worry that I won't make my "numbers" that month if I miss a day.

I think I just like to know they are there.  That I have the option to take some me time without having to lie about being sick or something.  Maybe I'm just waiting for a really good reason to take a day.  What would that reason have to be?  I likely won't know until it hits me.

With Grateful Thanks

So.  I've been a little blase about posting lately.  I think this is because I've hit the doldrums again, struggling to feel motivated in my job and wishing I were (working) somewhere else.  The thing is, I'm here for now so I need to make the best of it.  With Canadian Thanksgiving coming up this weekend I've decided to think of all the things I am grateful for about my work.

• I have a job.  And compared to other social service sector agencies, mine pays decently well
• lots of vacation time - I've been working here 5 years and now get 5 weeks vacation
• Experience - I have the opportunity to work with a great diversity of clients
• the environment here is by and large supportive and positive
• I have the ability to set my own schedule much of the time (within bounds)
• I have a lot of freedom to decide how to work with my clients
• most of the buildings my client's live in have working elevators
• I like my manager and supervisor
• I'm provided with lots of opportunities for training
• the agency has taken up a "recovery" based philosophy

What are you grateful for in your work?

Taking the Long View

I remember when I interviewed for my current job and was asked how I would handle transitioning to providing “long-term supports” - I was already working for this agency doing short term and crisis response work.  The director who was interviewing me stressed how challenging it can be for both worker and client to maintain hope, focus and direction over a long time.  I hadn’t really thought about it before, but must have come up with a reasonable answer, since here I am as a long term case manager.

I’ve now been in this role three, almost four years.  Some of my clients have been with me as long.  One of my very first clients has had problems with her housing situation since before I began working with her.  She also had mental health and physical health problems, family and financial issues amongst other challenges.  Basically, we both realized that until she had more suitable housing, it would be difficult to focus on her recovery, and I could basically only help her to “get by” in all the other areas mentioned.  Right from the get go I got heavily involved in working to address the housing problem.  There were family members, multiple agencies and her own issues to consider in this work.  What she needed was a first floor apartment (safety and accessibility issues) with three bedrooms (two kids of disparate ages and genders) in a particular area of town (so one child could attend a special needs school) with no carpet (severe allergy problems) and that would be eligible for the rent subsidy she receives (landlord would have to agree to work with that program, program would have to approve it and have the funds for it).  Like finding decent housing isn’t hard enough!

 

I won’t go into detail about all the ups and downs in this process over the past few years.  I will just say that a couple weeks ago, I got a call from a staff member at the housing agency.  I could hear excitement in her voice as she told me that she was looking at an apartment that she thought would fit all my client’s needs and criteria.  She could arrange a viewing in a couple days. 

The client came, kids in tow and looked around.  She couldn’t have been in the place more than 3 minutes.  It wasn’t going to work she said.  Why, I asked, as it had everything she wanted.  Did she want to take the kids to the park so we could sit and talk about it?  No, she wanted to catch the next bus, everyone was hot and she wanted to get home.

That was Friday, and on the Monday I met with her.  It went back and forth, she could see the advantage of the place, but there were certain problems…could she view it again?  I made the call and set this up.  My hopes were high, because I hadn’t even expected this much.  This time she came alone, left the kids at home.  Took a little more time looking around.  In my head I’m making plans about how to apply for grants to help cover the moving expenses, when I’m going to fit in an appointment to take her to get the key…the housing worker tells her she will need to know by the end of the day if she will take it.  I will call her in a couple hours to see what she has decided. 

When I do, she’s not ready.  Can I call later?  Of course I can.  This happens a couple times, until finally I tell her I can’t wait any longer and give her the housing worker’s number and tell her she will have to call directly.  I try to put it out of my mind as I go home that night.

Come the next morning, there are no messages for me.  It’s not until halfway through the day that the housing worker calls me to say that she will need a signed letter of refusal from the client, because she didn’t take the place.  The reason she ultimately gave was that the bedroom furniture wouldn’t fit.

I spent plenty of time that afternoon debriefing about this situation with my supervisor.  It’s times like these that it is difficult to remind myself of all those social work-y truisms – about client directed service, and individual right to determination and all that.  I will still be there to support this client either way, but I have to say I was mad.  As much as I can rationalize about her reasons, and empathize because of her history, I was mad.  Four years of work, for what?  I gave this woman my best and felt like it was totally disregarded that day. 

I know it’s not about me.  But this was one of those situations where BECAUSE I care, I couldn’t just forget about it.  It’s hard to think about possibly several more years of working with this client after this has happened.  This is where the long-term gets really tough.  This is where I start to feel tired and stuck.

The fact is, that what I need in order to keep going here are the same messages we use when talking about recovery.  Patience...hope...a willingness to fail in order to learn.  Finding the small successes that mark our progress.  Letting go of the things we cannot change.  Moving forward, because you can’t go back.  This is what will get me through the next four years of trying and trying again.  I can only hope that I will be able to inspire the same in my client.  After all, she is the one who must continue to live in her current situation.  And ultimately, she will be the one who determines when and how it changes.  Maybe I will even be there to cheer her on.

You know it's bad when...

...you are writing case notes and keep thinking you have put information from the wrong appointment because you're pretty sure this stuff just happened yesterday.  Which it did, because for once you are up to date on your notes.  And it feels so wrong!

Role Reversal

Confession time.

The past couple months haven’t been my best.  In truth, the February/March time of year are usually when I struggle most with how I feel.  So this year has been no exception.

When I get depressed I have trouble focusing, lack motivation, become short-tempered with people.  I get chest pains and headache and I want to sleep all the time.  Pretty standard fare.  I usually cope with this by taking vitamin d, getting exercise, going to bed on time and generally making sure I practice self-care. 

As you might suspect (or know from your own experience) being a mental health worker does not make me immune to these things or perfect at coping with them.  It also doesn’t make me necessarily receptive to help.  Hey, I’m the one who is supposed to be doing the helping, right?

That particular kind of thinking is ironically what seems to have helped get back on the upswing recently.  So far this year I had been feeling particularly low.  It was starting to cause a lot of stress for me and my family.  My partner, who has had to deal with much harder issues than me basically sat me down and had an “understanding” talk with me.  At first I felt resentful, in all honesty because what he was saying is usually what I tell him to do.  Who is he to tell me how to feel better?  And then I had my “a-ha” moment!  I shouldn’t be resenting him for telling me what I already know – I should be using what I already know.  I had been totally lacking in self-perspective and had my defenses up so high I didn’t want to hear my own good advice. 

I’m not saying any of this to pat myself on the back.  It’s more to record and reaffirm what worked for me, because sometimes I have to work to remember.  There are challenges to being on both the giving and receiving sides of help, especially if you are more used to one than the other. 

Have you ever been a helper who needed to accept help?  Have you been able to use your experiences of being helped to pass along to others?  Leave a note in the comments.

Mug Shot Memories

So we have to have ID badges for work now.  I had my picture taken a while ago, at a moment when I was rather unprepared.

The badge showed up today.  I look totally stoned* in the picture.

It's better than one I had for a job many years ago.  At  the time I had dyed my hair blonde and happened to be wearing a light coloured shirt.  This is where I should mention too that my skin tends to be paper-white.

The pic was taken in front of a white wall with a very flash-y camera.  I looked like a glowing yellow light instead of a person.  There was sort of a halo with eyes in the middle!


*I wasn't.

Number Crunch

I had 67 appointments scheduled with clients in the month of February.

48 of them actually took place.

2 sick days for me, several clients with cold or flu.  1 who cancelled for work.  1 who cancelled due to intoxication.  A few who just didn't show up for reasons unknown.

50 is our minimum target for face to face contacts each month.

The Mental Health Worker’s Reminders to Herself

1. When my supervisor assigns me a new client she is not trying to sabotage me. She is trying to get me to do my job.


2. When a client repeatedly cancels/misses appointments, there is likely something making it hard for them to come. It’s nothing against me.

3. When it is something against me, this is okay too. Not everybody has to like me. I will not be the best match for everyone. Learn from it.

4. Doctors are people too. They are likely rolling their eyes right back at me.

5. A client’s goals for themselves need to come before my goals for them.

6. When clients are skeptical because “you look too young to help me” remember – you’re a lot less young than when they were saying this to you 5 years ago!

7. Caring for myself will help me to care for others.

8. People will come and go, but paperwork is forever.

9. It’s okay to drown your sorrows with pizza and a half bottle of Shiraz on Friday night.

Tell me Going Mental readers - what reminders do you need to keep yourself going?

Fingers Crossed (Toes Too)

I applied for a job yesterday. 

Truthfully, I do this all the time, but this is one job I think I'd actually like to get.  It looks great on paper, and seems to fit most of my job search criteria.  So I tried to make myself look good on paper, and sent off the ol'resume.  Well, acutally a new resume.  I tend to nit pick and rewrite obsessively when applying for any new posting. 

So now fingers are crossed that I will get an interview.  And that it will go better than the last one!

In the meantime, I'm trying to follow-through with the goals I set for myself at work this year and remain positive.  One day at a time, right?

Bag Lady*

Yesterday I arrived to work carrying:

1. My work bag - contains my binder with forms, notebook, business cards and comes with me to all meetings and client appointments

2. My purse - contains personal, non work stuff like wallet, lip balm and ear plugs (they have come in handy, trust me)

3. My laptop bag - I don't usually bring this outside the office, but sometimes it's neccessity

4. A grocery bag - containing my contribution to the team pot luck (broccoli slaw - it was good)

5. My lunch bag - because despite the put luck luncheon, I was on my own for second breakfast, elevensies and afternoon tea

6. A gift bag - containing a very *lovely* purfume a client had gifted to me.  I told her I couldn't accept it but I had another client who would really appreciate it, and after it sitting in my car for a week, and me inhaling the fumes I really needed to give it to her.

7. My giant tea thermos.

Oh, and I had my crackberry in my pocket.

I think I need one of those personal organization assistant people** to help me.  Or I just need to listen to my 8 year old and use a backpack already.

*this term always gets this song stuck in my head

**this is a thing, right? These people really exist???

First Contact

Meeting a new client for the first time can present many challenges.  Not least of these is figuring out WHO you are meeting.  I mean this literally - as I rarely see clients in the office, and won't go into their home until I know them a bit (and barring extenuating circumstances) I generally make these appointments in some kind of neutral, casual public place ie. coffee shop.  Such places generally have all kinds of people strolling in and out, so without any face recognition, it can be tricky to identify your client. 

I try to ask them for a bit of a physical description when we arrange the meeting.  I have learned that most people are not very good at giving this type of information.  Unless there is a really obvious feature like they use a wheelchair, or have 3-foot long dreads, most people describe themselves in pretty basic terms - I'm kinda short, I have dark hair...useful stuff.  I don't know if this is lack of self-awareness, or self-conciousness that prevents people from being more specific.

So I try to describe myself in order that they can find me.  I try to go with some specifics that won't easily confuse me with others - I have a nose ring, I carry a large purple bag, I wear a red scarf.  But many clients are nervous about a first meeting, and may not approach me.  To be sure some are the complete opposite, but I've had at least one woman sit in her car staring at me through the Tim Horton's window for almost half an hour before she could psych herself up to approach me (I'm really not that intimidating!). 

Then there's always the tried and true but slightly embarrasing method of "asking around"  - is your name Bob?  No?  Sorry to bother you.

I can't help but feel this gives people the impression that I'm there for some really lame mid-afternoon scuzzy-coffee shop blind date or something.

Some clients have cell phones and sometimes they even give me the number, so then I can try to call them.  Hopefully, their phone is turned on.  And hopefully it has minutes.  And hopefully they're not screening calls thus ignoring my "restricted number". 

Usually, we track each other down eventually.  Sometimes we don't.  When this happens it may mean days or weeks of trying to rebook and not miss each other again.  In my experience, when a client and I miss each other the first time, it's not been a good sign for things to come.  These have often turned out to be the clients who don't want to engage, or that I will end up chasing down just to get a few measly face-to-face contacts before they disappear completely. 

I have two new clients to meet this week.  Look for me, I'll be the anxious, jilted looking lady with purple bags under my eyes.

Friday the 13th resolutions*

So I realize I'm a little late to the game, but I've decided it's time to make some resolutions for 2012.  Not for my personal life which is practically perfect in every way (or not, whatever) but for my professional life. 

It actually makes more sense to do this now that on January 1st. 

On January 1st I was in full-blown vacation mode.  Driving along country roads gazing at the snow dusted fields, fresh from enjoying a cozy night with some friends in an old farm house.  Pleased with myself for downing enough water and eating half a loaf of olive bread to soak up the booze so I didn't feel too hung over.  Spending the rest of the day snuggling on the couch....ahem, what was I talking about again?  Oh yeah, resolutions. 

So anyway, things were rosy at New Years giving me no impetus to change.  By now I've been back to work for a week, and admittedly it's made me a bit of a grumpy bear (that's what AM would call me in his most mock-caring voice).  This attitude sucks.  For me, and everyone around me.  I'm sure this doesn't exlude my clients.  I care about them, I really do, and I don't like to feel that this doesn't come through in my work.

So I'm working on resolving this (ha, see what I did there?) or perhaps to put it in some more social-worky terms I'm trying to develop some strengths-based goals for myself.    In some cases I'm just renewing old goals.  Here's what I've got so far:

1. Practice positive thinking, not just for clients but for myself
2. Better self-care: always
3. Learn to say NO to things that will only drag me down (I really suck at this currently)
4. Keep up the job search, the right one WILL come along
5. Find creative ways to get involved at this job that will promote a better experience
6. Be thankful for what I have - be happy

They're not exactly SMART goals yet (10 points if you know what that is) but like I said, I'm working on it.

So what about you, any professional or personal resolutions this year?  

*I know there is some kind of joke about bad luck in here, it's just not coming to me.  TGIF

The Mind Wanders Already on Monday

Alternate title: Monday Morning Musings

Or: I consider my every little thought so intricately facinating, that I just can't help but share.  I know you wanna hear 'em.

1. I wish it was a wee bit colder outside so we'd have snow instead of rain.

2. I wish that little blinky light telling me I have messages to check would just go away.

3. It's only 3 weeks until Christmas holiday, woo-hoo!

4. My Monday 'to-do' list is depressing me.

Thursday Morning Interrupted

I start most of my Thursdays in the same way.  I have a standing appointment with a long time client at 9:00.  Since my work day actually starts at 8:30, I usually pull up into a local parking lot, and drink tea from my thermos while I remotely check my voicemail and read emails on my blackberry.  At about 5 to 9 I drive on over to the client's building and we usually meet for the full hour.  This particular client likes to share, and always has lots to talk about.

The other day I followed said routine.  At about 5 to 9 I realized that I kinda needed to pee, but didn't have time to get to the McDonalds down the street (my preferred pit-stop location.  I won't eat there, but their bathrooms sure are nice and clean!) so not thinking much of it I went on to my meeting. 

As my client is launching into his weekly update, all I can think about is my need for the loo.  It's getting worse by the minute.  I've never used the toilet in a client's home (just my personal philosophy) and I'm not about to start in this particular one.  My client is extremely nice, but not the best housekeeper.  And let's just say that over the years this client has related many a charming tale about various bathroom "misses" (I'll leave that to the imagination).  Only 20 minutes into our appointment as I'm trying desperately not to wriggle and fidget, I had to make some really lame excuse - I'm sorry I have to cut this short today, I've over booked myself - and got out of there! 

Waiting for the elevator was agony.  As I got to the ground and dashed for my car, I quickly tried to come up with my best plan considering urgency/need to avoid any embarrassment.  In full on wiggle mode in the car, I drove down the street to my mother's house, as it's mercifully nearby.  I totally made it, and basked in the glory of this success for a few minutes before carrying on with my day.

This is remarkable only because how is this the first time ever this has happened?  I do the same bloody thing every week?!?  I guess I should be grateful, and just hope it never happens again.

This Week Sucks Because....(drumroll please)

1. I have only completed 2 out of 9 assessments that are due shortly (usually we only have 1 a week)
2. AM is away so I'm lonely and looking after kiddo by myself
3. I've got a vicious head cold
4. It's cold outside (there was snow yesterday)
5. I haven't written any of my notes for this week yet, and still have some from last week to input
6. I can't even say TGIF because I am going to have to work from home this weekend to catch up
7. I also have to survive taking a car load of obnoxious noisy excited kids to the Santa Claus parade

*whine*bitch*moan*complain*

Thank you, internet, for being there for me.